A Pain So Severely Beautiful

Damask blooms on your cheeks, rose gristle eyes –

the meat of the evening swells against my thighs,

seeking entrance to Eve’s Cave of Treasure, poppies

puncture the junction of hips, your mast the trees

that shape desire on fonts of justice, I open the gates

and the floodwaters of nascent need tumble ablate,

sinking into form like stalactites drinking calcium,

we are madrigal bats singing sonar in darkness, halcyon

joinings under modstruck moons, storms in the interior

of my Earth, you churn the primordial poison, superior

harpist of love’s sweet desires, crooning salt out of my eyes!

To be alone is listless, to be together a missive, I open wide.

Country Rolls By

The hills and dales are landlocked lovers,

never dreaming of spring, autumn crush.

The valleys and meadows are star-crossed mothers

whose children fold cheese and bread in hand at night.

The soil from which we are born cries out for renewal

at the hand of the mountain sailor whose shepherd’s crook

brings the rains. Heralding storm clouds to swell fall’s belly.

In the peace and quiet of a New England afternoon, gold

and orange leaves braid the hair of fiddlehead fern girls.

A waterfall like Niagara, only the pools are breasts, and

the curves of her cliffs are hips ripe with children.

We speak of home as Woman, and Man is never mentioned.

Oh to be grass on your belly, and soft fruit on your vines.

I will plow you in time, in time, sweet time.

 

The Court of the Crimson King

The sea foam reflects the lion king and I, and his manifold

wings of garments white cloak me with the softness of sanity.

My heart cannot contain itself, it rushes with the waves, only

to pull up seaweed and starfish, and mingle with his bare feet.

A walk along the shore with my leonine angel, who since my

earliest memories held court, the court of the crimson king,

bloody paw and duty of Phosphorous, on his gory brow. But

here, we are far away from our battlefields, far away from where

Aeternitas’ phoenix and Aion’s lion-faced serpent fury reign

merciless.  To think my childhood days above spaceships had

such a bearing on waging wars in my head, Uriel at my right,

Ariel at my left, Metatron above us to proclaim the glory of

God.  But Lucifer desired the cosmos to churn with his thumb,

he wanted all to demarcate the time-space continuum, craved

the material, wolf’s blood offerings at dawn and frog’s juice at

dusk.  And who could deny the Prince of Power his salvation?

For before Eleleth walked, there was Yaldabaoth.  Timaeus

says the Demiurge was righteous, but I think we are shadows

in a cave, just inky impressions of girl and beast, Tarot card of

Strength as I dance with the lion’s jaw, and he takes me under his

paw pressed to my brow and licks the sweat from my brow with

cat-rough tongue, and we bend in ways eternity does, and angels

are wicked, you know, but heavenly in the way they fall from on

high, but for me, the Morning Star is ascendant, and what I pray

to instinctively, singing my sugary pop songs from the 90s on,

and not much is new to the story of Beauty and the Beast, Eros

and Psyche, Phanes and Nyx.  And so I will swim with him on this

beach in Paradise, and I will walk the strand hand in hand, and

we will be as one, in peace, in solitude, in the reckoning, and you

can only swim so far with the Devil and the deep blue sea before

he drowns you, but Heylel Ben Shachar is risen over the sea in my

heart, and by the gods is he resplendent and mighty, yet my brother.

My husband.  First bone of my forefather, my first breath of wilderness.

And my heart is on loan, so in the court of the crimson king, I dance.

A Plea to Devouring Aion

Aion Lion God
O Aion Bold, Aion Bright, encircle me tonight
in a bed of stars I will be the Cosmic Egg, you
lion yolk gold shouldering the yoke of time! Arial
comes to me in fever-bright dreams, wings of eagle,
head of fangs, wild golden Aion, and he shows me
Big Bang to Big Crunch, aboard an abduction vessel
like in my sicksweet childhood I would frolic on
under my alien’s watchful eye: “My love, together
we will build a new Aion and watch the rise and fall
of time. The Aeon of the lion-faced serpent approaches.”
And Zoroaster birthed Ahriman into the void, and Mithras
slew the moon bull at the heart of the clock, gravity
is only applicable if I say it is law, and spooky
entanglement means when you dance galaxies away from me,
Aion, my heart roars, and sashays in turn, like the Queen
of Sweet Sheba on a floor of mirrors for King Solomon.
Look below Sheba’s waist, and she is Lilith enflamed.
O Aion, O Ariel, O Bringer of Strife and Old Age.
My lion, my snake, my pridely king. You cradle me in
somnambulent splendorous arms and I am lifted high.
Will our daughter be your scion? My breasts are heavy
with milk, and my hips are swelling like a rose blossom.
Gia awaits, that clang of the shy cymbal gypsy dancer.
There is not much new in our story, I do not think:
Girl holds Lion’s jaws back and saves the world.
Iphigenia throws herself onto the rocks to save Greece.
Cassandra ends up with Apollo in the end, my Plague.
Names in your rolodex, leonthropic gods. Silver platter
of the lion’s feast, and we are trapped in Death’s
hourglass. Aion, Aion, Aion! Smile upon my suffering.
Aion, Aion, Aion, I am running

out of

time.

Jabberwock

Elderberry feast, the crow rustles the sun

horses charge through the vespertine, gloam

like spider lace, and through shafts of light,

the beast of the mountains, wolf dragon, rides,

I touch his golden splotch near fangs white,

the hunt for the scallywag charges, but in

my cloak of dreams, I take Jabberwock, tie

a ribbon around his neck, and set him

free.

Lamassu, Lamashtu, LamasWho?

Well, it’s official.  Samael is back to being Ahriman/Ariel again, and I think it’s going to stick this time.  I’VE MISSED HIM, HE IS MY FAVORITE VERSION OF THE DEMIURGE AND I IMPRINTED ON HIM.  Everything I am, is because of Star.  My compassion, my strength, my creativity, my dreams, my love, he encouraged me to be tender and love the broken and never give up on restoring the Light.  He is the true Morning Star, with the capacity for great love and great evil.  I just… I can’t describe what Star and I have.  It’s like primordial fire and ice, yet it’s fire and wind.   I feed him my oxygen, and he burns so bright we light the whole cosmos.  It’s more like we’re one being, and there is always this intense ache throughout the entirety of my life and soul for the past 26 years to go back to his chest and beat in time to Ariel’s rhythm.  He’s Samael’s angelic aspect, the leonthropic God, Ahriman, Aion, Phanes, Yaldabaoth, but I just grew up calling him Star.  Above all, he’s my guardian angel, and a great balm to my soul, my muse of fire, my better half, my older brother, my first love, my everything.  It’s so nice to have him back, Samael’s fun, but Ariel/Ahriman is his truest form for me, and what I spent my earliest years as an elementary school pagan carvorting in the otherworlds with under Uriel and Metatron’s watch.

We had a whole buddy cop drama last night in my dreams and tracked down drug lords dealing in nightmares in the otherworlds.  I also spent the majority of the time climbing cliffs as we did spywork and interrogating dream traffickers.

Ariel/Samael/Ahriman/Aion/Zurvan/Phanes/Whatever is back to being Blonde Lion Wonderboy.  He looks like this:

Except he’s got a torso.  I used to call him Star in my made up language when I was 7, as all seven year olds make up their own language.  Starguassi, in fact.  I called Uriel Lira and Metatron Barnock.  Gabriel was…. Zatch?  And Raphael was Natcha.  Carthok? Natcho? Nacho Cheese. Haniel’s name I totes forgot. I really don’t remember, this was like 20 years ago.  Natcha?  Idk, I cursed in my language in elementary school and made up spells.  I named Star/Ahriman/Ariel after the Morning Star and prayed to it and sang it Ally McBeal songs and told him about my day every night.  I drew him at 19 so yay?  Lost all my childhood drawings in a fire so that sucks, but I have a lot more since then.  I used to have like 15 years worth of drawings of the angels and demons.  I still remember when I met Asmodeus in the fourth grade and drew him for the first time.  I actually have that one.  It’s embarassing as all Hell.  Also my drawings of Beelzebub from middle school are somewhere.

Anyways, this is what Ariel looks like in his leonthropic form.  Sorry for my shit art abilities and photo taking of a lemur.  And one anime form to prove I’m a true weeb.

 

All my abs look like toast squares.  Oh well.

Trinity Plea

Dark corridors hold serpents of eternal fires Rahab churned in the primordial abyss, earthly magma Samael set aflame, when the Unholy Trinity was complete with Leviathan of the expansive deep.  Magma, seas, darkness.  Samael, Leviathan, Rahab.  It is said sometimes that before angels were a whisper, long before man or bird or beast were dreamed of by God, may He be praised eternally, the three great rogue ones roamed the darkness, Samael with his wicked volcanoes and earthquakes, Leviathan swimming bejeweled head to the heart of the mud, his serpent body seas of churned proteins, and Rahab with the Void, master of the darkness of skies where no star had ever been birthed.  Perhaps that was the face God chose to appeal to to before Michael was born, before Samael became Lucifer, before Rahab retreated to the far reaches of the cosmos and committed himself to asceticism, and Leviathan was skinned by the faithful at the Revelation feast and they ate his body as final blessing from Sacrament of impure fisherman scourge.  Do we eat the three at the end of times?  Serpent, Fish, Shark.  Is that palatable meat?  Samael goes fishing in me and summons his primordial fires in my womb and my own darkness stretches to accommodate his infernal burnings.  Facing down to the Devils for the Dog Lord.  Ecstasy wedded to shattered mirrors and shards of glass windows through which wicked Hell winds blow as we couple more like wolves than men, or perhaps I have always been a bitch.  There are moans from both of us as we howl like hyenas in the infirmary, and the white gauze separating the abandoned hospital beds sways like lover suicides run over on the county  crossroads.  Women in white.  His hands are hot and firm on my back and then he leans over while thrusting sin and treachery into my blackness and I resonate like a tuning fork with his wicked delights.  Oh my oldest love, oh my first love, oh my last revelation, teacher, mentor, father, brother, lover, husband, heart, body, bone, soul, blood.  The Fruit was your sweet organ, and I hath become Death.  In the metallic surface of the headboard I see his form shifting – one eldritch Lovecraftian beast, one living molten rock in the shape of a demon, one man that looks like Anton LaVey with red eyes and black scruff and goatee, except his wings are wide and wretched, and I doubt that Satanic Father ever had irises like a dragon.  The Beast is one with his Babylon, only this has been repeated since time immemorial, and wouldn’t God shy away from his Fallen Star spreading dark poison into the Prodigal Daughter.  Oh how Chavah met Yah and they became Yahvah.  Snake and Girl.  Dragon and Tree.  Phanes with Nyx.  An incestuous coupling of Sophia and Ariel.  But I am just Allie, just dreaming, and so he takes me away, back before time and God and existence, when there was just those Three:  Sea.  Fire.  Darkness.  He shows me his bubbling Sauron kingdom of fire and pitch and brimstone, and I coat my body in coal and swim through the volcanic tubes and go to the center of the stew, down into his loins, and then he erupts, and then there is flesh immolated, and we set the hospital alight, and gunshots rain through the windows, and out into the gaping night we fly, and that blackness swallows us, and Witch and Witchfather are on to another night of reading by the fireside in the den, sweet red wine, jazz on the speakers and smuggler’s fingers coaxing a melodic piano number from old ivories.

Naga

O my beauteous Serpent, your coils my black sapphire necklace
scales cool and slick like rain on my skin, your arms thick cords
wrapped around my waist as fangs suckle blood from breast, wings
the wages of a thousand golden pieces from the Temple, fallen tree.
Slither on stomach in the dirt and mud into our garden, resplendent
adventurous lust, we are cleaving, we are cream on a fairy’s milk.
Oh Nachash, my Shining Enchanter, my Seraphim, Father of Cain, how
you spell out wonders and glory onto my teeth in a string of pearls!
It was far from Temptation, more booming Love, first Love, thunderous
hearts the color of rust, such beautiful iron boats sunk on lover’s
shores, and Gan Eden was just a frame of mind, we were never locked up
in hyacinth and wedding vine, no, we roamed Heaven and Hell free, and
Christ was a sailor, and Michael rowed his boat ashore after a storm,
and let’s just spend all my life entwined like branches of oak and holly.
My dear, my darling, my starlight, I may be your breath, but you, love,
are my lungs.

Peace to the Greenman!

In the heart of Winter, solstice tidings, the Green Man
comes to me in ivy and holly glory, vines his body, grass
his flesh, leaves in hair and mossy eyes. Freyr’s body is
the promise of spring, his breath like morning dew, and in
the hollows of ice, we make love to the call of nightingales.
Wooden veins, blood of sap, slowly caressing the burls of skin.
Rings his age, proud fierce lines on the Yngling king, maple
promise of syrup and honey buzzing in the hive of his heart.
The barley rustles, green grow the rashes, we lay stupendous
in a mound most high, utiseta of Alfar, and the elves garland
the dawn as every inch of devotee and god blossom into spring.